If you're interested in building an energy work practice that can have some real benefits, consider seeing a reiki specialist, or taking a reiki course yourself. As someone with ART certification, I can say from first-hand experience that this gentle practice can have a big impact. Reiki is a Japanese healing technique that uses the power of touch on certain areas — nodes, chakras, energy lines — to promote a healthier flow of energy, or ki, in Japanese.
When our energy is blocked due to fear, anxiety, trauma, or anything really, it can manifest in our bodies as dis-ease or discomfort. It can also prevent us from feeling like our true selves, and finding contentment, comfort, and peace. Reiki moves that stagnant or blocked energy, allowing us to finally release and let go. The energy moves on, and we can feel less heavy.
If you’re interested in building an energy work practice that can have some real benefits, consider seeing a reiki specialist, or taking a reiki course yourself! As someone with ART certification, I can say from first-hand experience that this gentle practice can have a big impact. Reiki is a Japanese healing technique that uses the power of touch on certain areas (nodes, chakras, energy lines) to promote a healthier flow of energy, or ki in Japanese.
When our energy is blocked due to fear, anxiety, trauma, or anything really, it can manifest in our bodies as dis-ease or discomfort. It can also prevent us from feeling like our true selves, and finding contentment, comfort, and peace. Reiki moves that stagnant or blocked energy, allowing us to finally release and let go. The energy moves on and we can feel less heavy.
How to Shut Down Toxic Positivity
Boundaries are important, so know toxic positivity when you hear it
Energy healing modes like reiki offer gradual practices that are aimed at healing you holistically. Image courtesy of Oasis Mind and Body.
Recognizing toxic positivity is one thing. Interrupting it — in yourself or in others — is another. Here's how to do it without becoming defensive or shutting down connection in the process.
Notice the urge to rush. The first step is internal. When you feel the impulse to immediately reframe a hard feeling — yours or someone else's — pause. Ask whether the reframe is coming from genuine insight or from discomfort with sitting in the hard thing. That pause alone interrupts most toxic positivity before it starts.
Name what's happening, gently. If someone offers you a positivity platitude when you're struggling, it's okay to name it. You don't need to be harsh. Something like, "I appreciate that, but I actually just need to feel this for a bit" does the job. It redirects the interaction without attacking the person's intent.
Ask for what you actually need. Toxic positivity often shows up because people don't know what else to offer. Being specific helps everyone. "I don't need advice right now, I just need you to listen" gives the other person a clear, doable alternative to the reflexive cheer-up response.
Set a boundary with spiritual bypassing. If a practice, teacher, or community consistently pushes you to "stay positive" instead of processing what's real, it's okay to step back. Boundaries aren't unspiritual — they're often the most spiritual thing you can do, because they protect your ability to stay honest with yourself.
Interrupt your own inner critic. Toxic positivity isn't only something other people do to you — it's something we do to ourselves. Notice when your inner voice tells you that you "shouldn't" feel a certain way. Replace that judgment with curiosity: not "I shouldn't feel this," but "I wonder what this feeling is trying to tell me."
What to Say Instead of Toxic Positivity
Language matters. The words we reach for shape whether someone feels dismissed or truly supported. Here are honest alternatives to common toxic positivity phrases — for the moments when someone you care about is struggling, and for the moments when you're struggling yourself.
Instead of "Everything happens for a reason," try: "This is really hard, and I'm not going to pretend it isn't." It doesn't force meaning onto pain before there's room for it.
Instead of "Just stay positive," try: "You don't have to feel okay right now. I'm here either way." This removes the pressure to perform wellness and replaces it with steady presence.
Instead of "Good vibes only," try: "All feelings are welcome here." This one line can change the entire culture of a space, whether it's a friendship, a family, or a wellness community.
Instead of "It could be worse," try: "This is enough to be hard on its own." Comparison rarely comforts — it usually minimizes.
Instead of "Don't worry, be happy," try: "What do you need right now?" This shifts the interaction from a directive to an offer, which tends to feel far more supportive.
Instead of "Everything will be fine," try: "I don't know how this will turn out, but I'm not going anywhere." Certainty can feel hollow when the future is genuinely uncertain. Presence doesn't.
And for yourself, in the quiet moments: instead of "I shouldn't feel this way," try "It makes sense that I feel this way." Instead of "I need to fix this feeling," try "I need to understand this feeling." Small shifts in language, repeated often enough, become a completely different relationship with your own inner world.
Toxic Positivity vs. True Energy Work: Feel all the Feelings
Toxic positivity and true energy work can wear similar clothes, but only one of them actually holds you. Toxic positivity asks you to skip the hard parts. True energy work walks you through them. Toxic positivity offers a mask. True energy work offers a mirror. The next time positivity is offered to you — by someone else or by your own inner voice — pause and ask: is this asking me to disappear, or is this asking me to show up? Your spirit already knows the answer.
Toxic positivity pressures you to skip or hide hard feelings ("just stay positive," "good vibes only"). True energy work asks you to feel those emotions honestly and move the energy through, rather than around, you.
The test: does a practice or phrase ask you to eliminate a feeling fast, or understand it? Shortcuts are a red flag — real energy work makes room for the full range of what you feel, without a timer on how long you're allowed to feel it.
Common Questions
What's the main difference between toxic positivity and true energy work?
Toxic positivity asks you to bypass or suppress difficult emotions in favor of forced optimism. True energy work asks you to feel those emotions fully, honor what they're communicating, and then intentionally move that energy — through practices like breathwork, somatic release, or reiki — rather than pushing it away.
How can I tell if a spiritual practice is toxic positivity in disguise?
Notice whether the practice gives you permission to not be okay, or whether it comes with an unspoken deadline to "move on." If a practice consistently leaves you feeling more disconnected from your own experience rather than more grounded, it's worth questioning whether it's serving you or just keeping things comfortable for someone else.
What should I say to someone who responds to my struggles with toxic positivity?
Try naming it gently and asking for what you actually need: "I appreciate that, but I just need to feel this for a bit," or "I don't need advice right now, I just need you to listen." This redirects the interaction without attacking the other person's intent.
Is it unspiritual to set boundaries around toxic positivity?
No — boundaries are often one of the most spiritual things you can do. Stepping back from a practice, teacher, or community that repeatedly pushes you toward forced positivity protects your ability to stay honest with yourself, which is the foundation real growth is built on.
What's an example of true energy work in practice?
Reiki is one example — a gentle, touch-based Japanese healing technique that works to move stagnant or blocked energy (ki) through the body. Other examples include breathwork, somatic practices that locate and release emotion in the body, and simply sitting in stillness with a feeling until it reveals what it's protecting.
